Do you like to fetish?

I recently wrote about a friend's girlfriend who got random messages from boys on Facebook. Well ICT is certainly changing the way boys in Sri Lanka do things. A friend of mind shared with me a random stranger's skype pick-up line: The conversation is below. My friend played along just to have a laugh, afterall it's not everyday that a stranger asks you whether you like to fetish.

[1:25:05 PM] Random Boy says: Hi, Do u like to fetish?

[1:56:22 PM] Skurj's Friend says: what did you have in mind?

[1:57:44 PM] Random Boy says: fetish

[1:57:58 PM] Random Boy says: i like ladies with makeup,highheels,stockings..etc

[1:59:22 PM] Skurj's Friend says: i like too. do you wear makeup, high-heels stockings etc?

[1:59:36 PM] Random Boy says: i m a male

[1:59:54 PM] Random Boy says: i like to see females with those

[1:59:59 PM] Random Boy says: get me fired

[2:00:57 PM] Random Boy says: sorry i m so straight

[2:01:04 PM] Random Boy says: i m searching a lady who likes fetish

[2:02:19 PM] Skurj's Friend says: but i'm also straight. i like males who wear highheels, stockings, makeup etc

[2:02:24 PM] Skurj's Friend says: will you wear for me?

[2:02:46 PM] Random Boy says: ohh sorry i mnot taht kind :)

[2:03:29 PM] Skurj's Friend says: shame

[2:03:48 PM] Random Boy says: about?

[2:03:57 PM] Skurj's Friend says: you not wearing all of the above

[2:04:06 PM] Random Boy says: he he

[2:04:15 PM] Random Boy says: ladies wearings

So what's the deal? Must be the economy, lack of jobs and maara frustration. Must also be the heat. Haven't seen much rain recently no? So, errm, who among you would like "fetish" with me?? hmm?

SEO, SMM, SEM and all these new Acronyms

"Here, Kumara, we need to work on a new strategy. I recently read that we must do SEO and Social Media and also some Search engine marketing if we are to stay in the game. So do that ok? I want results. NOW!" Is a line, or something similar to a line that's heard in many offices around the world and Sri Lanka is no different. There's a plethora of articles, news releases about SEO, SMM and SEM being mandatory for an organisations survival and imperative to achieve a competative advantage. So spend your entire IT budget on SEO, SEM and SMM. It might be wise for you to do some research yourself before handing over a contract to some "reputed" organization to do these things for you.

A few things about SEO, SEM and SMM that might be useful to you, if you are trying to implement these strategies are:

a) SEO is FREE.
SEO means Search Engine Optimization. This means you create your site in order to maximize it's presence on people's search terms. There is no point in adding all the keywords under the sun, becuase at the end of the day, you want qualified traffic, not random people visiting a site that they don't want to see. These visitors will demote your listing on Google etc., if they don't think you are relevant. The first thing to do is to get your house in order. Add title tags, meta tags, meta content that is meaningful and not a list of keywords. Search spiders today are smart enough to see through these age old tactics. Add h1 and h2 tags to important headings in your content without simply making them bold. Spiders recognize these things and map words within the Header tags to keywords.

Try to keep your site upto date and loaded with meaningful and fresh content. One way to do this is by maintianing a blog under your domain and ideally have someone update relavant, fresh content about three times a week. Don't add rubbish and spam links. Link to important sites and if your content is good enough you'd get links back automatically. Speaking of blogs and links, comment on other blogs within the same business/interest domain. This will also give you links back and create visibility.

These are the first steps any SEO guy or company would tell you. Read. Search the internet and read up on these things. No one really knows what the hell SEO is about. It's all practice, reading and testing. So go read up about SEO and you'll be a pro in no time. Try not to fall in to traps set by organizations telling you that they can get your site to number 1 on Google within a month. Even you can do it, simply type the name of your company and you'll be number 1 on google or any other search engine.

b) SMM is not MAGIC
Social media marketing is NEW. Mostly due to this whole Facebook, MySpace, Twitter craze. SMM isn't going to magically increase your traffic or sales. It will however create buzz and awareness. There isn't a concrete method yet to calculate your ROI on SMM so don't be too hasty to hire an organization that specializes in Social Media Marketing yet. Like using your company blog, you can create a twitter account and start following people who have the same type of interest as you do and keep tweeting once or twice a day. Keep it human and don't simply put product or service updates. People get bored of reading that. Also include links of news or other stories that you may find useful. You can use Facebook pages, Profiles and Groups to create awareness as well. I shall save that for another post. Again the best thing to do is to read up on SMM yourself, before you go spending your hard earned money on someone who will pretty much do the same things that you would.

c) SEM ain't a key to millions of $
Most people assume that SEM is the key to gaining unbelievable amounts in terms of sales volume. Afterall it does give you access to the whole world and a click is only $0.25 or so right? What's there to lose?I'll tell you, you could lose your entire company. SEM requires 24/7 monitoring, lowering and increasing your bid. Slacking off here will leave you with a massive bill and if you earn your money in Rupees, you are pretty much done for. If you are going to invest in SEM, it might be worth hiring an in-house guy with some experience. But I wouldn't reccomend outsourcing it. You need to have control over your ads and your bids. Google and Yahoo aren't the only things. There are many more. So it maybe wise to do some research and split your ad budget accordingly.

I'll have more on this stuff soon, along with a few links and such so that you guys can gain some knowledge. It's great fun and very active, so if you are an online marketing kinda guy, it maybe helpful.

Irony

First click on the image and check out the big one. Read the text. If you can't read sinhala, too bad cause I don't have time to translate. Basically, it talks about the slaughter of cattle for meat and how cruel it is etc, and how we should refrain from eating beef. WTF? these are the same people who had no issues about slaughtering human beings. I personally know people who said "Kill em all. Carpet bomb the whole north, they are all tigers anyway". Same jokers say that salughter of a living being is a sin. They swear by saying "we promise not to kill a living being". So errm... yeah! Besides steak is yum! Beef curry is awesome.

Also, fish and chicken are also living beings so errm, I'm not sure how you come up with the theory that eating cows is more sinful or sinful as opposed to eating chicken, fish, pork or mutton.

I don't get it. I also don't get how you can be so concerned about cows and not at all concerned about a human life! It's just beyond me.

Say NO to private medical schools

I don’t get Sri Lankan Universities. Have you seen the posters around town about private medical schools? WTF? Would it not be better to have the people who can afford it go to a private school in Sri Lanka than to have them go abroad and stay and work there? Would it not be better provide smart kids with a zest for medicine the opportunity to pursue their dreams without having to shell out over Rs. 2 mil a year on tuition fees alone?

Then there’s the point about these jokers leaving the country. I recently caused a bit of chaos with a twitter update that called people who take advantage of free education and go abroad to work WANKERS! Most people thought I was referring to public schools that also provide free education. Unfortunately that too falls under the same theme, but those folks who left the country after high-school to work or study did so because of the lack of options in the motherland. When I did tweet this, I was referring to the jokers who go to university here and then fuckoff to work in other countries. I’m ashamed to say that I personally know a few people who graduate from med-school this year, who plan to leave the country to work in hospitals elsewhere. They’ve been in medical college for the past seven or eight years. I pay taxes, and since of late income tax and the works, so I like to think that some of my money paid for these buggers’ education. So I would expect some return for it. I certainly did not pay for them to study here and serve other fellows abroad, you dig?

If someone paid for your education it is your duty to serve that person at least for a period of time. It’s the right thing to do. I do understand that the wages suck and after eight years of hard work, you wanna make some money. Why not make a scene about that? Why not paste posters raising this issue? Why not campaign for higher wages instead of campaigning for NO PRIVATE UNIVERSITIES?

There are a lot of smart kids who don’t ace their Advanced Level exams for various reasons. Just because you didn’t get 3 A’s it doesn’t mean you can’t have a university education. What are they afraid of? That the guys who are smarter and have more common sense than them will go places if they get a university degree from a private university?

What pisses me off the most is the losers who take advantage of the free education (university) and then piss off to serve somewhere else. If that’s what you are going to do, then shut the fuck up about private universities. It’s the government’s duty to ensure the standards for education are met. Other than that private universities should be allowed. At least these folks will hang around and do some work unlike the two-bit-two-faced-ball-less-cocksuckers who eat free and don’t even pay for dessert.

Dialog Sigh!

Is Dialog Telekom in a panic or have the hired the wrong people for the wrong positions? What mess they seem to be making. The re-branding is a real sham and that bloody website is utter cock. Who on earth makes such a huge transformation almost overnight? You honestly expect your customers to adapt to your new flow so soon? Doesn't the person in charge know that it's gonna take while for customers to get used to the new site? And who on earth was the architect? Try finding something specific like the price of a phone or tariffs. The whole site is a mess.

Then there's the aspect of customer services, which is absolutely horrible. They've changed their policy on barring phone lines for not paying the bill. Apparently, if you don't pay your bill consistently, as soon as it is over Rs. 500 they're gonna disconnect your line. This maybe true because my mom's phone was disconnected when her outstanding was Rs. 900 on package with a credit limit of Rs. 15K. She didn't bother paying because the outstanding amount was only 900. Anyway, the bill was paid and it took over 48hrs for the line to be re-connected. When customer services was contacted regarding the line not being connected, 24hrs after having paid the bill, the conversation went a little something like this:

Me: The phone number is 777 xxx xxx
CS: Thanks. Ok sir there is an outstanding of Rs. 970.
Me: Yes. But the credit limit is like 15K
CS: Yes, sir but this outstanding has not been paid.
Me: Yes. That's why it's outstanding. And it's 900 on a 15K account, why do I wanna pay now?
CS: That's the new policy sir.
Me: What's the new policy?
CS: You have to pay the bill. [really? wasn't that the policy all along?]
Me: [sigh] ok fine. Now why isn't it connected yet?
CS: Take about 2 hours for the line to be connected sir.
Me: Really, 2 hours ah? So how come this line is not connected yet?
CS: Once you pay the bill, if the line is disconnected, you have to wait for 2 hours.
Me: So what does your system say? Have I paid or not?
CS: I'm checking that now. [pause] yes sir you have paid.
Me: Does it say when I paid?
CS: Sir, now since you have paid it'll take 2 hours to connect.
Me: [Losing my cool]. Listen buddy, I paid yesterday. Doesn't your system indicate that? So it's a lot more than 2 hours. So please shut up about the 2 hours. I don't care about your 2 hours, can you just connect the line.
CS: oh sorry sir, in that case I will put a note on the system for the line to be connected immediately.
Me: Why do you have to put a note ... [giveup] never mind. bye.
CS: Thank you for calling dialog.... [beeep] [fuck!]

This is the shit. I mean who are these people? Aren't these calls monitored? Then I noticed on their website a listing for Dialog BPO. Are you kidding me? Who in their right mind would entrust their customer services to these jokers? I mean would you pay to have your hard earned customers call monkey's like this to solve their problems. Really? I know what you're thinking, you are thinking this was just one fool who fucked up the reputation of the whole company. I say NO this is not the first time for me and it's happened to a lot of people. And I doubt it was this same 2-hours-joker who answered the phone all those times. I also have this other issue, about someone fraudulently purchasing a connection under my name. Which sucks balls and the lady who's handling my complaint is retarded. I will write about that soon. That takes the cake. It's hilarious.